You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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