Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
