woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
