Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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