guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
