Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
