Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
