i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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