thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
