I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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