i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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