Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Two words: blizzard sex
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
