please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
