I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
