Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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