do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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