Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
