I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
