Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
