I just saw a hot homeless man
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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