Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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