Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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