my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
