guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
