Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
