This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
