My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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