im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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