im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
why do cheetos always look like penises
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
