We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
