if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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