It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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