We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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