It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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