im drinking this country out of the recession.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
