I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
