even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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