I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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