Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
