So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
