cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
