Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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