I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
