you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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