Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
