He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
