my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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