the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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