All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
