He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
