I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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