Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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