You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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