the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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