with your own penis?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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