Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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