yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
