you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
