Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
