Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
