Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
