Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
