it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
