I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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