I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
